Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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