well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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