I just cut my nipple shaving
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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