I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
