I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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