I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
