if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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