Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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