you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
