My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
