my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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