i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
