I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
