I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
