Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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