you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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