i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
