The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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