I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
