I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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