Is it because I queefed?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Enjoy the penises
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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