I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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