Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
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