Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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