Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
love makes seman taste better
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
