she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
