Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
