the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
