this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
