and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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