theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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