Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
