Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
