The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
