We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
