my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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