we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
