She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
