So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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