I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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