i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Enjoy the penises
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
