Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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