There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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