im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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