we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
