I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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