I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
