It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
