i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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