I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
