I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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