you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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