Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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