"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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