So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
