did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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