My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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