how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
