I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
