brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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