Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
