All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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