i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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