You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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