I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
