well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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