I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
