Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
