I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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