now i know why i became what i already was.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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